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Walden, Amended

Introduction (continued)

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As an example, the following original paragraph is from the early pages of “Economy:”

 

"Some of you, we all know, are poor, find it hard to live, are sometimes, as it were, gasping for breath. I have no doubt that some of you who read this book are unable to pay for all the dinners which you have actually eaten, or for the coats and shoes which are fast wearing or are already worn out, and have come to this page to spend borrowed or stolen time, robbing your creditors of an hour.  It is very evident what mean and sneaking lives many of you live, for my sight has been whetted by experience; always on the limits, trying to get into business and trying to get out of debt, a very ancient slough, called by the Latins æs alienum, another’s brass, for some of their coins were made of brass; still living, and dying, and buried by this other’s brass; always promising to pay, promising to pay, tomorrow, and dying today, insolvent; seeking to curry favor, to get custom, by how many modes, only not state-prison offences; lying, flattering, voting, contracting yourselves into a nutshell of civility or dilating into an atmosphere of thin and vaporous generosity, that you may persuade your neighbor to let you make his shoes, or his hat, or his coat, or his carriage, or import his groceries for him; making yourselves sick, that you may lay up something against a sick day, something to be tucked away in an old chest, or in a stocking behind the plastering, or, more safely, in the brick bank; no matter where, no matter how much or how little."

 

The first sentence is clear enough and needs no change. The second just trips over the edge where it could benefit from a bit of sharpening, so I broke away the concluding two phrases and combined them into a freestanding sentence. The third and final sentence is 188 words long, unwieldy and replete with loosely related clauses separated by semicolons—the meaning is lost as a result. After recasting it into separate, focused sentences, and using the barest connective tissue, I hope the result has become more readable:

 

"Some of you, we all know, are poor, find it hard to live, are sometimes, as it were, gasping for breath. I have no doubt that some of you who read this book are unable to pay for all the dinners which you have actually eaten, or for the coats and shoes which are fast wearing or are already worn out. So you have come to this page to spend borrowed or stolen time, robbing your creditors of an hour. It is very evident what mean and sneaking lives many of you live, for my sight has been whetted by experience. You are always on the limits, trying to get into business and trying to get out of debt, a very ancient slough, called by the Latins æs alienum, another’s brass, for some of their coins were made of brass. You are still living, and dying, and buried by this other’s brass. You are always promising to pay, promising to pay, tomorrow, and dying today, insolvent. You are seeking to curry favor, to get custom, by how many modes, only not state-prison offences. You are lying, flattering, voting, contracting yourselves into a nutshell of civility or dilating into an atmosphere of thin and vaporous generosity. You do this to persuade your neighbor to let you make his shoes, or his hat, or his coat, or his carriage, or import his groceries for him. You are making yourselves sick, that you may lay up something against a sick day, something to be tucked away in an old chest, or in a stocking behind the plastering, or, more safely, in the brick bank; no matter where, no matter how much or how little."

 

I do not wish to say this revised paragraph improves the original; a good editor is invisible and stays out of the author’s way. I prefer to say that, with a light touch and judicious changes, I let Thoreau speak to today’s reader as he might have wanted. Walden had seven major drafts before publication in 1854, so clearly he was concerned about his arguments and how they would progress and be perceived.